Mr Brightside. It’s a certified banger. It’s one of those upbeat songs that gives entire generations an immediate boost. Certainly, that’s the feeling I get when it comes up on my playlist, and yesterday when I heard the song it was no different.
Yet, after a minute or so of listening to the lyrics, I was completely floored. Hearing this song, for oh, just the bazillionth time, I was dumbstruck by the layers in which The Killer’s most famous song invokes and teaches connection.
There is an obvious layer of connection. Twenty years on from its release, Mr Brightside continues to fill up dance floors and unite generations. It connects friends and strangers alike.
Like many songs, it invokes memories in its fans. For example, whenever Mr Brightside plays on the radio when we’re driving, my husband and I turn up the volume and scream out the lyrics, much to our kids’ amusement. Another fond memory is from Christmas a decade ago, belting out the song on karaoke with our dear friends.
Yet, the ability of The Killers song to bring up fond memories and unite a room full of strangers wasn’t the only realisation I had this morning.
Instead, one line of lyrics stopped me in my very tracks: “And it’s all in my head.”
A catchy line that robs us of our peace and ease
Connection is a feeling or state. It’s something that comes from within, although it can be sparked from external influences. A lot of the narrative around connection relates to connecting with other people, yet the most fundamental and important connection in our lives is the one with ourselves.
Those six little words of Mr Brightside – “and it’s all in my head” – rob us, time and again, of our own self-connection.
The song is about a man who’s getting worked up about his girl being with another man. The lyrics “I just can’t look, it’s killing me” describe the anguish he is feeling. He’s a man in pain. Yet, the scenario isn’t real. His girlfriend is not with another man in that moment. It’s all in his imagination. It’s all in his head.
Our thoughts are responsible for much of our suffering
Over the course of our lives, each of us has experienced being in a place where it’s all in our head. Our thoughts go down a rabbit hole, conjuring up a narrative that causes emotional pain and getting stuck in a mental loop. Not only that, but we can also feel a reaction as tangibly as if was unfolding in real life. For example, a heaviness in our limbs, clenching and pain in our stomach, a feeling of weakness in our knees.
That’s how powerful our thoughts are. Our thoughts – which are imagined and not truth – cause our brain to tell our body to go into fight or flight and we experience a physical reaction.
The lyrics of Mr Brightside bring us on that journey. We know the feeling of suffering from something that is not even real. We have our own experiences of this. Through listening to the lyrics, we can feel compassion for the man who calls himself Mr Brightside.
Connection lies in our self-awareness and self-recognition
What is so special about this song, is the awareness and self-recognition that “it’s all in his head”. Often our suffering is caused by not being able to witness the separation, and holding a belief that what is imagined is actually truth.
Through the witnessing of thought (his girl being with another man) and acknowledging that it’s not truth (it’s all in his head), a door can open to turn suffering and pain into connection.
This is huge!
You see, when you acknowledge the thoughts that come up (those pesky thoughts that remind you of your greatest fears, the ones that bring you into a state of panic) as not being real, you can ask yourself powerful inquiry questions to interrupt the thought pattern that can otherwise take you out.
When you have self-awareness that the scenario you are conjuring up is not real, you can begin to calm down again. You can soften your breathing, slow down your racing heart and relax the contracting muscles.
You can be in self-recognition again. You experience the knowing that you are not your thoughts. That you’re safe. Your nervous system can relax out of fight or flight. You can get back into a state of connection again, with who you are.
Maybe the singer didn’t get to this point in this famous song. However, the potential was there.
The witnessing of thought, the self-inquiry questions, and the bringing yourself back into a rest and digest state are all skills you can hone and learn through Connection Compass.
You learn to get out of your mind’s anxious loop, and back to feeling present and able to jump around dancing and singing to some of our generation’s greatest hits.
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Connection Compass acknowledges the Turrbal and Jagara people, the Traditional Custodians of the land on which we work, live, and gather. We pay our respect to Elders past, present and emerging, and draw inspiration from their connection to Country, community and spirit.
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